wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't put those talents on a resume
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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