Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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