But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
two words: eviction party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
