I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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