Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
