Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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