i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
there is glitter all over my balls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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