i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I did not marry a roomba.
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