I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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