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I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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