how can u be prego again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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