you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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