That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
