The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
