Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I AM VODKA MAN
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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