So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
