I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
