my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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