I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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