I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found puke in my bra..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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