I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
