At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
