He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
