Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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