guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
