She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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