i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
