cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
