"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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