Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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