The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
