Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
