Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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