Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
