bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
