I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize