Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
