She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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