i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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