I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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