Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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