Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
