They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
