david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
