You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
