and i looked up. we had an audience...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
