I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
