U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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