so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
