So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want nice things and good sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
