she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
