I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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